Santa Aur Bunta 
Santa Ke Ghar Uske Sasural Wale Aaye..
Biwi Boli...Jao Bahar Se Kuch Le Kar Aao.
Santa Bahar Gaya Aur Taxi Lekar Aa Gaya..!
Teacher : Delhi Mein Kutub Minar Hai..
Papu Was Sleeping In Class So The Teacher Shakes Him Awake.
Teacher : What Did I Just Say..
Papu : Delhi Mein Kutta Bimar Hai..!
Santa Ne Ek Kawa ( Crow ) Paal Liya..
Wo Bahot Mulayam ( Soft ) Tha..
To Usne Apne Kawve Ka Naam 'Microsoft' ( Mi-Crow-Soft ) Rakh Diya..!
Santa : Oye Puttar, Gabra Mat..Tu Sher Da Puttar Hai..!
Papu : Oye Papaji..Teacher Bhi Yehi Bolti Hai K Tu Kisi Jaanwar Ki Aulad Hai..!
Teacher : You Call Your Mother As Mum...
What Do You Call Your Mother's Younger Sister & Elder Sister?
Papu : So Simple, I Call Them Minimum & Maximum..!
Santa : I Divorced My Wife On The 1st Night...
Bunta : Why?
Santa : I Saw The Label On Her Panties, "Tested OK by Mafatlal & Sons."
Santa : Praji, My Wife Is Very Scared Of Water...
Bunta : How Do You Know?
Santa : Twice When I Got Home I Saw Her Having Bath With The Security Guard..!
The Nurse Was Squeezing Santa's Finger &Taking His Blood Sample ..
Santa : Laughing.....
Nurse : Why Are You Laughing..?
Santa : After This..Is My Urine Test..!.
On The First Night Of Their Marriage Bunta Gives Preeto Rs.500 And Says.... " I Have Never Done This For Free"
Preeto Returns Rs.200 And Says..."I Have Not Charged More Than This Before"
Doctor : I Can't Find A Cause For Your Illness, Frankly, I Think It's Due To Drinking..
Santa : In That Case, I'll Come Back When You Are Sober..!
Bunta : In India Throughout The Year, Where Does Ice Fall The Maximum?
Santa : In Whiskey Glasses..!
Banta : Arey Praji, Kitni Baar Samjhiya Ke Raat Ko Mobile Phone Charging Pe Matt Rakho,
Blast Ho Jayega....
Santa : Aap Tension Matt Lijiye, Maine Battery Baahar Nikaal Di Hai..!
Santa Blood Ke Bare Mein Kitab Padh Raha Tha...
Jasmeet : Aaji..Aaj Aap Yeh Kitab Que Pad Rahe Ho..?
Santa : Mujhe Doctor Ne Kaha Hai Ki Kal Mera Blood Test Hai..Iss Liyea Test Ki Tayari
Kar Raha Hoon..!
Banta : Meri Biwi Mujhe Chhod Kar Chali Gayi...
Santa : Tumne Uska Khyal Nahi Rakhta Hoga.
Banta : Wahe Guru Ki Saughand, Saggi Behan Ki Tarah Rakhta Tha..!
Santa Phone Par...
Banta : Kis Se Baat Kar Rahe Ho?
Santa : Biwi Se...
Banta : Itne Pyar Se...?
Santa : Tumhari Hai Iss Liyea..!.
Santa : Is Operation Se Mujhe Kuchh Ho Jayea To Isi Doctor Se Shadi Ka Lena...
Jeeto : Aise Kyo Kah Rahe Ho?
Santa : Doctor Se Badla Lene Ka Yehi Ek Rasta Hoga..!
Santa Aur Banta Mujra Dekhne Gayea....Aur Sari Raat Mujra Dekhte Rehea....
Mujhre Wali Bai Ne Kaha : Sahab Humne Aap Dono Ko Khush Kiya...
Ab Aap Bhi Mujhea Khush Keeygea..
Santa Aur Banta Dono Uthe Aur Naachne Legea..!.
Santa : Bus Stand Jane Ke Kitne Paise Longe..?
Rikshawala : 10 Rupaya..
Santa : 2 Rupaya Mein Chaloge To Theek Hai..
Rikshawala : 2 Rs Mein Kaun Le Kar Jayega..?
Santa : Peeche Baith, Main Lekar Jata Hoon..!
Jasmeet : Saare Log Kehte Hain Ki Mujhe Bhagwan Ne Badi Fursat Mein Banaya Hai
Santa : Theek Kehte Hain...Faaltu Ke Saare Kaam Fursat Mein Hi Kiye Jaate Hain..!
Santa Ke Sir Se Khoon Nikal Raha Tha...
Doctor : Ye Kaise Hua..?
Santa : Main Hath Se Diwar Tod Raha Tha, Kisi Ne Kaha' "Paji Kabhi Khopdi Ka Bhi Istemal
Kar Lia Karo"...
Banta Gift Wrapped A Gun For Santa's Wedding..
He Enclosed It With A Note.."Fire In Air If Wife Is A Virgin, And Shoot Her If Not"
Santa Fires The Gun In Air The First Night...
And Shoots Her On The Second Night.
Hey Waiguru..!
Santa Har Baar Apna Password Bhool Jata Tha...
Who Sochne Laga Main Aisa Password Rakhu Jo Kabhi Na Bhooloon...
Usne Password Rakha ''INCORRECT''
Ab Jab Bhi Woh Galat Password Enter Karta Hai, Computer Khud Usey Bata Deta Hai
"Your Password Is Incorrect."
Santa Rocked...Computer Shocked...!
At A Party A Lady Wanted To Go To The Toilet...
Thinking Bunta To Be A Doorman..She Inquired.."Susu Karne Ki Jagah Dikhao"..
Bunta : You Naughty Lady..Pehle Tum Dikhao!
Santa Met A Lady In A Bar And Said To Her..Let Us Have Sex..
She Said, OK But I'm Having My Menstrual Cycle..
Santa : That Is Fine..I Have My Hero Honda!
Jasmeet Kaur Was Found Taking A Bath With The Door Open...
When Asked..
She Said She Wanted To Make Sure That No One Was Peeping Through The Keyhole!
Santa Ko Rasta Ke Nookad Par Peshab Karte Dekh Ladki Doosre Raste Se Jane Lagi.... Santa Bola..Daro Mat Baby, Jis Se Dar Rahi Ho Usko Maine Pakad Rakha Hai..!
Santa : Can I Touch Your Software..?
Girl : First Show Me Your Hardware!
Santa : Should I Install It In Your System..?
Girl : First Cover It With Anti Virus And Then Install..!
Santa Wanted Twins....
So What Did He Do..?
He Made Two Holes In The Condom!
Santa Is Deeply In Thought..Thinking Of A Way To Kill That Lion..
Finally He Comes To A Conclusion..
I Will Drink Poison And Then Let The Lion Eat Me!
A Customer Walks In Santa's Store..
Customer : Bhaisaab, Underwear Dikhana...
Santa : Oye, Sorry Yaar, Aaj Pehana Nahin..!
Santa Sitting And Thinking Hard..
Jasmeet : Kya Soch Rahe Ho..?
Santa : Yeh STAR TV Walon Ko Kaise Pata Chalta..?
Jasmeet : Kya Pata Chala..?
Santa : Ke Main STAR PLUS Dekh Raha Hoon..!
Santa Went To His Local STD/ISD/PCO Booth..
Glancing Around..Slapped The Operator Twice...
Astonished Operator Asked For A Reason..
Santa : Aap Ne He Board Lagaya Hai..Number Dial Karne Se Pehle 2 Lagao..!
Santa Sees A Girl Wearing A T-Shirt That Reads : HANDLE WITH CARE.
Next Day He Is Seen Wearing Jeans..Printed With..CANDLE WITH HAIR.
During Santa's Recent Visit To The USA, He Saw A Building On Fire, And Noted People
Trapped In There...
He Approaches The Building And Shouts Loud And Clear..
"My Name Is Santa Singh, I'm A Weight Lifting Champion..Please Jump From The Building With
Confidence, And I Will Catch You Below..!"
All The Trapped People Heave A Sigh Of Relief.
First A White Woman Jumps..
Santa Catches Her And She Is Saved
Next A White Man Jumps..
Santa Catches Him And The Man Is Saved.
Next A Black Man Jumps..
Santa Doesn't Catch Him, So He Lands On The Concrete Floor And Dies..
Santa Looks Up At The Saviors In Distress And Yells..
"Don't Play Jokes With Me, There's No Point In Throwing Down The Burnt...!"
Santa Ko Samaan Lena Tha To Store Mein Gaya...
Santa : Mujhe Dog Food Chahiye!
Salesgirl : Sir, Aapke Paas Kutta Hai..?
Santa : Han Hai..Par Ghar Mein Hai!
Salesgirl : Maaf Karna Sir, Store Policy Hai..Ki Zaroorat Dekh Kar Sales Karo..
Santa Aagle Din....
Santa : Mujhe Cat Food Chahiye..!
Salesgirl : Sir Billie Hai..?
Santa : Han..Ghar Mein Hai..!
Salesgirl : Sorry Sir, Saboot Chahiye..
Santa Do Din Baad Phir...
Santa : Iss Bag Mein Haath Dal Kar Saboot Check Karo..
Salesgirl Ne Hath Daal Kar Kaha..Kuch Garam..Geela..Mulayum Sa Hai..Par Hai Kya..?
Santa : Yeh Meri Tatti Hai..Mujhe Toilet Paper Chahiye..!
Santa Opened A Restaurant Next Door To A Japenese Restaurant Called 'Teriyaki' In New York City..
After Struggling With Many Names For His Restaurant...
He Finally Settled On Naming It..'Terimaki'
Doctor : Aapki Biwi Ab Sirf Do Dino Ki Mehman Hai..I'm So Sorry..
Santa : Isme Sorry Ki Kya Baat Hai Dr. Saab. Nikaal Lenge Ye Do Din Bhi Jaise-Taise..!
Jasmeet Aspatal Mein Behosh Ho Gayi...!!
Doctor : Yeh Mar Gai Hai...
Jab Usko Jalane Lage To Woh Uth Baithi Aur Boli Main Zinda Hoon...!!
Santa : Chupchap Padi Reh Gawar, Tu Doctor Se Zyada Janti Hai Kya..?....
Jalao Ji Jalao...!
Santa Was Arrested In A Political Rally..
Judge : Now..What Are The Charges Against This Defendant..
Prosecutor : He Saw A Girl Crossing The Grounds With A Badge On Her Chest, Saying 'Press'
He Went Ahead And Pressed..!
Bunta : Log Hamare Bare Mein Kya Sochte Hain..
Santa : Agar Yeh Bhi Hum Hi Sochenge Toh Phir Log Kya Sochenge..!
Jiyo Bindas...!
Santa And Banta Went To A Call Girl.. Santa : Honestly, It Was A Waste Of Money, My Wife Is Better..
Bunta : No Doubt About It, Your Wife Is Definitely Better..!
Bunta Is Having Sex With A Call Girl...
Bunta : Do You Have Aids..?
Girl : No..Why..?
Bunta : Thank God..I Don't Want To Get That Again..!
Santa Goes To The Doctor With Both Ears Burnt Up..
Doctor : How Did This Happen..?
Santa : I Was Ironing My Clothes..A Marketing Agent Called..Accidentally..
I Picked Up The Hot Iron Instead Of The Phone...
Doctor : But What About The Second Ear..?
Santa : The Bastard Called Again..!
Santa Biwi Ka Aantim Sanskar Kar Ke Ghar Ja Raha Tha..
Tab..Bijli Chamki, Badal Garje, Aur Jor Se Barsat Hui...
Santa Sir Utha Kar Bola..Sukhar Hai Waheguru..Lagta Hai Tumhare Yaha Pouch Gayee..!
Preeto : Aaji..Yeh 'Pyar' Aur 'Ishq' Mein Kya Faraq Hai..?
Bunta : Pyar Who Hai Jo Main Apne Bahen Ke Saath Karta Hoon..
Aur Ishq Who Hai Jo Main Tumhare Bahen Ke Saath Karta Hoon..!
Bunta And Preeto Are Waiting At A Bus Stop...
Tapori : Kya Praji, Rakheli Hai Kya..?
Bunta : Rakheli Hogi Teri..Meri To Yeh Biwi Hai..!
Bunta : Yeh Underwear Kitnea Ka Diya..?
Dukandar : Sirji 500 Rupaye Ka..
Bunta : Bhai Daily Wear Wala Dikaw..Party Wear Ka Nahi..!
Santa : Praji..Why Does Our PM Manmohan Singh Go For His Daily Walks During Evenings..?
Bunta : Don't You Know..He Is PM Not Am..!
Santa : Doctor, I Have Heavy Loose Motions, I Am Unable To Control..
Doctor : Did You Try The Lemon..I Suggested Last Month..?
Santa : Yes..But When I Remove It, It Starts All Over Again..!
Doctor : Aapka Aur Aapki Biwi Jasmeet Ka Khoon Ek Hi Group Ka Hai..
Santa : Jaroor Hoga..25 Saal Se Jo Mera Khoon Pee Rahi Hai..!
Bunta : Inspector..Why Have You Locked Up My Friend In Jail..?
Inspector : Because He Forcefully Pulled Out Six People From The Burning Building..
Bunta : But Isn't That Wonderful..He Saved Six Lives..
Inspector : Well..All Six Were Fire Brigade Personnel..!
Santa And Bunta Sitting At An Irish Pub..See A Sexy Girl On The Next Table..
Santa Calls The Barman And Says..Pass Her A Drink On Me..
Barman : Sir..You Should Know, She Is A Lesbian..
Santa : No Problem With That..And Goes Ahead To Her..
Madam, So Where Do You Live In Lesbia..?
Santa And Bunta Were Working For Delhi Cantonment.
Santa Would Dig A Hole ...He Would Dig, Dig, Dig.
Bunta Would Come From Behind And Fill The Hole...Fill, Fill, Fill.
Both Worked Furiously; One Digging A Hole, The Other Filling It Up Again.
A Man Was Watching Them From His Balcony And Couldn't Believe How Hard Both Men Were Working, But Couldn't Understand The Logic Of What They Were Doing.
Finally He Went Down To Enquire....
He Said To Santa, "I Have Been Watching And Appreciate How Hard You Work, But What Are
You Doing..? You Dig A Hole And Your Partner Comes Behind You And Fills It Up Again!"
Santa Replied, "Oh Yeah, Must Look Funny, But Our Third Partner Who Plants The Trees On
These Side Walks is Sick Today
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